Rainbows

 
I like rainbows because they show up after the fact. The show up after a storm has passed as a bonus for keeping your chin up and eyes on the horizon. Rainbows have always been significant to me.

I remember feeling intense frustration because my mom wouldn't go to downtown Bellevue with me to get the pot o' gold the newscaster’s kept referencing on TV.



When my high school boyfriend and I finally ended our dating relationship (after several attempts at "just friends"), I remember feeling things officially end after seeing a rainbow. We were at a park and talking things out again for the umpteenth time when it started to rain. I started back for the car, but he suggested we ride out the storm. We did and in a matter of minutes it had passed and we got to see a beautiful rainbow. After seeing that, I think we both felt comfort in going our separate ways.

My sophomore year of college I wanted to go to Japan to study Japanese, teach English, and do ministry there over the summer. I wrote a support letter detailing my plans and asking for help, but I hadn't heard back from anyone. I was studying/thinking about my problems in Multnomah's Library and contemplating my next move when I saw a rainbow in the distance. I decided then that I needed to wait on those plans. When I got back to my dorm room someone had written me a check for $10.00 towards my cause. The check had a rainbow in the background, which I took to be further confirmation from God. I didn't cash it, but I asked if I could keep it as a reminder that someday I'll go to Japan.

I was in Hawaii a couple of weeks ago and saw a few rainbows here and there. One showed up while I was learning to surf, another while I was camping on the North Shore. I thought a lot about what the next steps are for my future ~ academically speaking. I have taken four graduate level classes at PSU, but didn't get into their writing program. I got accepted at the Seminary, but this past year has shown me that it is just not the right fit. I wanted to marry my writing with my passion for God's word -- but the two seperate institutions wouldn't unite and I wore myself out trying to get them to fit together. I prayed while in Hawaii and the only response I got back was, "Do what you love."

Great -- do what you love. How vague and hopelessly ambiguous I thought. I wrote out a couple pages of things that I love and want as part of my life in the future in response to the question "what do I love?" I love teaching and I love writing. I knew that before going to Hawaii - so nothing changed there. I admit that someday I want to be a wife and a mother, but I don't want that to be my whole life. I need to be able to do something that can be paired with domesticity. I ended up talking to one of my old Multnomah professors about my situation on a fifteen-minute break that stretched to 45 and left my co-workers worried for my safety. During the course of our conversation he suggested that I do an MFA. This teacher is also the one that suggested that I go to Butler University (so yeah -- semi-big influencer).

I want to do something like Butler, but I don't see where an MA will take me except onto a doctorate program and I don't really want that. I would have to be married to a doctorate program so that thing about wanting to be a wife and a mother would have to be laid to rest. But, I want that too. Professor Schaak ended up confirming a lot of what I knew already and in some ways freeing me to invest in a different future than the one I chose before. In the end said, "Do what you love." Sounds strikingly familiar, huh?

That line again. Do what I love? I love biblical literature; I love reading; I love writing; I love teaching; I love processing through ideas; I love the idea of having a mentor; I love standing up for my faith in dark places; I love chiseling down words until I'm actually saying what I mean to say. I tried to combine my two loves by taking classes at Portland State University and Multnomah's Biblical Seminary, but ultimately it was unsatisfying and they turned out to be a rather disharmonious pair.

So, an MFA? That would be a Master of Fine Arts in writing (fiction, poetry, or nonfiction). My boss sent me a link to Seattle Pacific University's website a while ago because they have an MFA program and he knew of my interest. At the time I was determined to make PSU and MBS work together, but now that I am out of that funk I can see the program for what it truly is -- everything that I want and love. I wouldn't have to move because it is a low residency program so I can stay in the community I am in now. This is the biggest reason why I haven't moved to Butler U. in Indiana. The program naturally pairs Christian-Judeo thought with writing and critically assessing issues. The program is in regards to writing, but holds reading in high esteem. By the end of two years the program promises that I will have read 50-60 books and have written critical essays on most of them.

The program will allow me to "Do what I love." Write & read -- I would have the credentials to teach should the opportunity present itself and it help hone the skills I have as a writer. I feel like this program would give me a window into academic life in the future, but that wouldn’t have to be my life. I am looking forward to applying to this program and seeing where that takes me. I am glad have a direction to flood my excess energy. I am 25 and I’ve figured out a step that will bring me toward all the things I love. Woot! Maybe this is that pot o’ gold.