"I'll be your candle on the water..."

 
 
 
 
I had the pleasure of escaping the heat of Portland this past weekend and driving out to visit Tre', who conveniently is keeping residence in Lincoln City at the moment. Saturday we had breakfast on the beach and watched it quickly fill up with Portlanders trying to escape the promised 103-degree day. After that we drove over to Newport where Tre' got to deposit his first paycheck. On our way back we decided

to stop off at a Lighthouse that Tre' sees every time he drives to the Salishan Lodge for work.

The lighthouse, to our delight, was open and we got to take a tour of the recently whitewashed and renovated structure. The tour guides were dressed in turn of the century garb and shared some illuminating facts like that the lighthouse’s light has burned for 104 years straight (the only time it was ever out was during Pearl Harbor). The oil they used to keep the light lit was purified pig fat; it didn’t smell like bacon, but it did coat everything with, a "bacon grease" like substance and had to be cleaned every morning. Not too glamorous.

We got to climb (I think it was 134) stairs to the top and have a look around. So, you’re going to laugh, but Lighthouses always make me think of Pete's Dragon -- remember that movie? I think my little sister owns it - for nostalgia sake. This orphan kid finds a dragon named Elliot who ends up saving the day when the light goes out in the Lighthouse by using his fire making abilities to relight the flame. The main character, Nora (don't worry- I had to IMDB that one), lost her husband at sea and waited, her eyes forever combing the waters, for his return. I remember her singing a song that equated her love with the light of the lighthouse..."I’ll be your candle on the water, my love for you will always burn..." Hmmm… that’s got me thinking.

It seems like women are often compared to stalwart figures like Lighthouses or North Stars or Angelic guides. But, aren't we just as screwed up as any man out there? Aren’t we the one’s looking for a leader? We're looking for men to date, not boys, right? So, why is it a natural assumption that a woman is the one who alone should defend her purity? Does that stem from a misconstrued notion of equality, the idea of autonomy, or an undefined concept of purity? I know, it’s probably all three and several other concepts out there I failed to mention :).

Maybe some would view this as antiquated and/or old fashioned, but Tre’ has told me that he feels it is his duty to guard my reputation. His conviction is not that we do what our conscience allows or keep a rule book and chastise ourselves for messing up. Actually, we have fairly few rules, but we do have an understanding
(underscored by wisdom) that we won't take advantage of each other. I can tell it stems from his love for me and not a love for himself or a rulebook. The idea of defending one’s honor is so backwards in today’s economy; it’s so different, but so right.

Why do we naturally assume that it is only a woman who should defend her purity? At the turn of the century being a gentleman was a good and noble thing – men were not considered a good match if they let a woman’s skin get touched by the sun, let alone allow her honor to be put in question. I’m not suggesting that women crawl back into their gilded cages or perch back upon their pedestals. But, why has the iron mantle of defending one’s purity fallen to the slender shoulders of a woman? Where is the man's role in that and why is their purity something that is hardly questioned anymore?

One thing that I appreciate immensely about Tre’ is that he doesn't hoist the responsibility of our purity on me. He doesn't leave me with a decision to make between practicality and purity. He chooses to sleep in his truck because he wants to honor me. Guess what? He knows I’ve been married before, so it’s not an issue of virginity. The beliefs and philosophies that shape this man go much deeper than that. I thought crossing boundaries and messing up were just part of the package, but that hasn’t been the case. It’s been good, healthy, and so freeing. I feel safe with Tre’ because I know he will do and has done all he can to respect and honor me. I don’t wear the "iron" mantle of purity alone - this burden is light because it is not carried by me alone. Tre's leadership allows my focus to also rest on the importance of his purity -- something he has guarded his whole life. Tre is smart enough to not just rely on himself either - I know that much of what we're benefitting from now is because of prayer, so thank You.

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