June 19th --

Your Birthdate: June 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Roses

 
 
 
 
On Friday night I fought through traffic and met a tired and hungry Tre' in the Portland Rose Garden. We had a picnic dinner of peanut butter and strawberry preserves (as Tre' pointed out -- not jelly and not jam) and then sauntered around the garden. These are a few pictures we took during the course of the evening. I thought about putting the one of just Tre's eyes and my eye that I took when I forgot the zoom was in on the camara, but decided it wasn't really blog worthy. Let me know if you want to see that and we'll talk. 

Butters

So, Butters had an absess on his neck. I got home on Monday and he had scratched it open and whatever was in there drained out. It wasn't as gross as it sounds, but he's my cat so he just doesn't seem gross to me. I'll even get his eye boogers out; I guess that's a mother's love. :) I gave him a bath and washed his neck with antibacterial soap and hydrogen peroxide. He doesn't even fuss when I get him wet --sometimes I do get dirty looks, but I've never gotten a scratch or a bite. Hopefully, he won't get an infection in that area.

He's been extra cuddely lately. Yesterday, and this morning he poked me in the arm with his nose and snuggled close when I lifted it for him. He's such a sweetheart. Oftentimes I think it's silly when someone makes a prayer requests for their pet -- it bothers me even more when I see food-drives for animals and not for people. But, this cat has been through soooo much with me. I thank God for his spunky little way of doing things and random attachment disorders.

He is starting to warm up to Tre. He even fell asleep in my lap (Butters, not Tre) when Tre and I were watching a movie a couple of weeks ago. This wasn't just curl up in a ball sleeping either -- it was sprawled across my lap on his back, legs extended sleeping. Not many people get to see that. Butters still chaperones Tre and I (when he can) on our walks around the neighborhood. It's rather sweet. Last summer I brought Butters to work during my lunch break and had a friend take a picture of us in the daisies (like Dinah in Alice in Wonderland). There is so much more I could say about him, but I'll stop here. 

My Birthday

Hello Everyone,

So, I actually succeeded in surprising myself today. December 28th, 2005 I wrote a message for my future-self to be sent to me on my 25th birthday. It really made me laugh, enjoy:

Dear FutureMe,

Wow, today is a big day. You are 25 and hopefully on your way to a vacation somewhere exotic. What have you done with your last six months? Are you a better or worse person now than you were then? Has love walked into your life or are you still hell-bent on no-one ever entering into your heart again? How is that book coming? Did you get accepted into graduate school at PSU?? How did Jan. 7 go? Rough? Did you memorize a 100 verses in Psalms? Did you get your second tattoo? How did your class go? Wow - so many questions. You are 25 today. You are a woman who has been through a hell-of-alot - and you have been refined by that fire. You are not scalded, you are purified and have an obligation to live by the truths you have learned about yourself and about life. Go forth and live in truth!


Kelly B.

What a funny message to receive from myself today :) Random -- those who know me will appreciate this immensly.

In answer to some of those questions:

*Yes, I did go somewhere exoctic -- Hawaii for nine days in May

*Question #1 & #2 are too long to answer here -- just yes and no questions.

*Yes, love has walked into my life.

*I am still journaling and processing my story -- book is currently being lived.

*No, I did not get accepted into graduate school -- but I found a better program and I am putting together an application for that program now.

*Jan 7th was the anniversary of my divorce. What can I say? I lived -- I even went to a wedding that day. Katie was there for me as usual and I even went on a random lunch date with a friend from my early school days who repeatedly told me how beautiful I was.

*Yes, I did memorize 100 verses in Psalms. Thank you again Tre' and Lisa for sticking with me the two 1/2 hours it took for me to recite them.

*Yes, I did get a second tattoo -- Midori on my left hip.

*My writing classes (both of them) were fantastic and taught me a lot about who I am as a teacher. I learned as much from them as they from me -- They were both great experiences and I'm contemplating a third this fall.

*Truth --Though it was hard, truth set me free. I live knowing I have an obligation (out of respect for what God has done) to live an examined life and base decisions off of what I have learned. God has asked me to faithful in the things that I can and trust that He's taking care of the rest.

It's kind of weird to get an email from myself, but I'm glad I did it. Maybe I'll send myself a note for this Christmas. Check it out at FutureMe.org.

In other news -- PLEASE PRAY FOR BUTTERS. I found a big lump on his neck last night and I'm going to have to take him to a vet. Hopefully it's just a cyst and is easily drainable (and not too expensive) and not cancer or something else life threatening.

I love my Sacramento Family!

 
 
 
 

My nieces are getting more beautiful every single day. Julia has the teeth of a nine year old (she's five and her front teeth have already come in) and Jenai is getting so big (she's not even two yet). Auntie Katie (also known as Bobbee by Jenai) got to go down there this last weekend and she kindly sent me some pictures. Unfortunately, she didn't send any of her and the girls. We'll have to remedy that the next time she goes down. I miss these girls -- I'll see them someday soon. I remember my Aunts and Grandma's always saying, "Kelly, you're growing up so fast. You've got to stop doing that!" At the time I was a bit confused, but now I get it. I won't ask my nieces to stop growing,, but I do hope to see them again before Julia becomes taller than me. 

I didn't think Butterflies were animals

You're a Butterfly!

Fragile and beautiful, you work as a good-luck charm for those
around you. People are always happy to see you and sometimes beseech you to reach
out to them as a blessing for their day. Though you are proud of your reputation,
you strive not to forget your own humble beginnings and remember that not so long
ago, everyone looked down on you. All you can do is appreciate the metamorphosis
you made now that you're on its good side. You adore stained-glass
windows.


Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Oops...

So, I'm trying to figure this whole blogging thing out and trying to add links on my blog to the blogging sites of my friends so that I can be cool like them and have links to stuff. And what do I do? I give my boyfriend the power to edit and post on my blog. How does stuff like this happen? Fortunately, he hasn't done anything too weird, but a great deal of power has been delivered to his very tech savy fingertips and there is no telling what he'll do. I've done a few pranks on him (Craigslist, forking...) and he's done nothing yet to get me back. So, if you read a blog saying I've joined the army and am being deployed to Iraq -- don't believe it. :) Times like these call for discretion. I'm watching you Tre'. Eyes on You.

Heheheheheh... Wanna hear something funny? This isn't Kelly. It's Tré.

See, Kelly was trying to invite me to subscribe to her blog. I think this means that I would get e-mail notices when she updates, etc. Anyway, instead of inviting me, she made me a part of her blog. Enough of a part of her blog that I can post new blogs, anyway...

So, here I am. Just thought I'd pop in and say Hi!

Hi!

Sea Turtles

 
 
 
 
One thing that I loved about Hawaii was all the Sea Turtles. Sarah and I saw our first one when we were sunbathing on the North Shore. We were out there two hours and occasionally saw something pop its head out of the water. We thought it was an eel or Nessie -- but couldn't quite put our finger on it. We were washing our feet in the water when we discovered (to our delight) that we had met our first bit of tropical wildlife. We named him Ike. The next Sea Turtles we encountered were when we were snorkeling. I tracked this turtle for a while. His name as Ike II -- In the third picture you can see some shell and the light of the surface of the water. That's when I tried to put my arm around him for a close up with my camera and a wave ended up knocking us into the reef. It's a $500 fine for touching Sea Turtles -- so I pushed him off me -- camera hog! and stumbled back to shore with my big flippers, attractive goggles, and saltwater filled mouth. 

Rainbows

 
I like rainbows because they show up after the fact. The show up after a storm has passed as a bonus for keeping your chin up and eyes on the horizon. Rainbows have always been significant to me.

I remember feeling intense frustration because my mom wouldn't go to downtown Bellevue with me to get the pot o' gold the newscaster’s kept referencing on TV.



When my high school boyfriend and I finally ended our dating relationship (after several attempts at "just friends"), I remember feeling things officially end after seeing a rainbow. We were at a park and talking things out again for the umpteenth time when it started to rain. I started back for the car, but he suggested we ride out the storm. We did and in a matter of minutes it had passed and we got to see a beautiful rainbow. After seeing that, I think we both felt comfort in going our separate ways.

My sophomore year of college I wanted to go to Japan to study Japanese, teach English, and do ministry there over the summer. I wrote a support letter detailing my plans and asking for help, but I hadn't heard back from anyone. I was studying/thinking about my problems in Multnomah's Library and contemplating my next move when I saw a rainbow in the distance. I decided then that I needed to wait on those plans. When I got back to my dorm room someone had written me a check for $10.00 towards my cause. The check had a rainbow in the background, which I took to be further confirmation from God. I didn't cash it, but I asked if I could keep it as a reminder that someday I'll go to Japan.

I was in Hawaii a couple of weeks ago and saw a few rainbows here and there. One showed up while I was learning to surf, another while I was camping on the North Shore. I thought a lot about what the next steps are for my future ~ academically speaking. I have taken four graduate level classes at PSU, but didn't get into their writing program. I got accepted at the Seminary, but this past year has shown me that it is just not the right fit. I wanted to marry my writing with my passion for God's word -- but the two seperate institutions wouldn't unite and I wore myself out trying to get them to fit together. I prayed while in Hawaii and the only response I got back was, "Do what you love."

Great -- do what you love. How vague and hopelessly ambiguous I thought. I wrote out a couple pages of things that I love and want as part of my life in the future in response to the question "what do I love?" I love teaching and I love writing. I knew that before going to Hawaii - so nothing changed there. I admit that someday I want to be a wife and a mother, but I don't want that to be my whole life. I need to be able to do something that can be paired with domesticity. I ended up talking to one of my old Multnomah professors about my situation on a fifteen-minute break that stretched to 45 and left my co-workers worried for my safety. During the course of our conversation he suggested that I do an MFA. This teacher is also the one that suggested that I go to Butler University (so yeah -- semi-big influencer).

I want to do something like Butler, but I don't see where an MA will take me except onto a doctorate program and I don't really want that. I would have to be married to a doctorate program so that thing about wanting to be a wife and a mother would have to be laid to rest. But, I want that too. Professor Schaak ended up confirming a lot of what I knew already and in some ways freeing me to invest in a different future than the one I chose before. In the end said, "Do what you love." Sounds strikingly familiar, huh?

That line again. Do what I love? I love biblical literature; I love reading; I love writing; I love teaching; I love processing through ideas; I love the idea of having a mentor; I love standing up for my faith in dark places; I love chiseling down words until I'm actually saying what I mean to say. I tried to combine my two loves by taking classes at Portland State University and Multnomah's Biblical Seminary, but ultimately it was unsatisfying and they turned out to be a rather disharmonious pair.

So, an MFA? That would be a Master of Fine Arts in writing (fiction, poetry, or nonfiction). My boss sent me a link to Seattle Pacific University's website a while ago because they have an MFA program and he knew of my interest. At the time I was determined to make PSU and MBS work together, but now that I am out of that funk I can see the program for what it truly is -- everything that I want and love. I wouldn't have to move because it is a low residency program so I can stay in the community I am in now. This is the biggest reason why I haven't moved to Butler U. in Indiana. The program naturally pairs Christian-Judeo thought with writing and critically assessing issues. The program is in regards to writing, but holds reading in high esteem. By the end of two years the program promises that I will have read 50-60 books and have written critical essays on most of them.

The program will allow me to "Do what I love." Write & read -- I would have the credentials to teach should the opportunity present itself and it help hone the skills I have as a writer. I feel like this program would give me a window into academic life in the future, but that wouldn’t have to be my life. I am looking forward to applying to this program and seeing where that takes me. I am glad have a direction to flood my excess energy. I am 25 and I’ve figured out a step that will bring me toward all the things I love. Woot! Maybe this is that pot o’ gold.  

Okay, so here are some shots of us

 
 
 
At the end of the game, Tre' came to the rescue by having one of the wives take our picture -- notice Kyle and Micah in the background making the most of their convienent location per camera angle. 

Baseballs

 
The Beavers won 7-4 against the Colorado Skysox. What a victory. In other news, this was the first baseball game that Tre and I were spotted at together. It must be serious. Alas, when photo time came I was up stretching my legs, or getting free peanuts, or getting kettle corn (my favorite). So, here are the couples and Tre. 

Training Butters

 
This is Butters in training. Yes, I tried to potty-train my cat. It almost worked, but then the holidays came and people didn't want to share their toilet with our little man in training. He didn't really understand what he was supposed to do, so he just played in his litter box. 

Sarah and I

 
Here a just a few of the many pictures that Sarah and I took of ourselves while in Hawaii. Some are far more glamorous than others -- 

Back to the mainland...

 

and work, work, work. 

So, now I am home

After swimming with sea turtles, surfing, and gorging myself on Hawaiian's fine dining, I find myself in need of a rest from my vacation. It came in the form of not being able to drag myself out of bed yesterday, so I called in sick and slept until 3:00 in the afternoon.

I didn't know when I planned this vacation that there would be anyone to miss. I bought my ticket in February and my first date with Tre was on March 17th. I didn't spend my whole time missing him. Believe me I enjoyed paradise to its fullest, but there were moments I wish I could have shared with him. Like when I saw dolphins or went surfing or when I walked along the beach watching the stars grace the night sky.

I missed Tre', but not having him there didn't destroy my experience. I was there with one of my best friends and had a great time with her. I've been in relationships in the past that ruined the time I spent apart from that person. In those relationships the fact that person wasn't there caused a walk on the beach in paradise to seem less valuable than if they were. I like that I don't feel that way now. That value now for me stems from something much deeper.

I wanted to spend some time thinking about my future while in Hawaii. It didn't really happen. I have a couple of directions that I could take educationally, but I feel like I need to wait right now. The only answer I got when I lifted these questions in prayer was, "Do what you love." Rather cryptic and directionless if you ask me.

Well, what do I love? That question alone poses the biggest threat to my future.